Hey all. Hope everyone had a good Easter :3. Guess I should get to explaining the title for this journal -_-() Well, tonight I kinda got into an argument with my mother, whom I've moved back in with since I came back from TN and all. She had a few rules about how I wasn't allowed to wear or anything of that sort, as I'm TG and she doesn't approve nor accept it. She then went on to say that were I to even see a gender therapist to talk to about all this, that I would not be allowed in her house.

We went on to talk about alot of things as well, like how I feel lonely since I can't really go out and hang out with my friends another, since they're either in college or work,a nd when they are free, are usually too far away. This leaves me being stuck in the house cleaning or cooking or whatnot. Just because I don't have any plans or have nothing really going on. I enjoyed this weekend alot though, cause I got to see my big sis Celly. She's really nice and fun to be with :3 We even got to hug...something I haven't been able to do with someone in a long while and that it meant something special.

But even though I'm stuck at home most of the time, my mom says it's my fault. Because I'm the one who chose to not get my license until late, and still no full one. That I'm the one who wasted four years of high school and didn't aim to get into a college. That I'm to only point at myself for my loneliness...that I shut myself away from them, the rest of my family. And that if I only just spent time with them a bit more, I wouldn't feel so bad. Well, if you all want this to be a family, then why do you all spend each night separate from each other? Why is my younger brother on the computer, yet when he wants to play a game, we all have to drop what we're doing and play with him. he's in high school dammit. he should be able to entertain himself, right? Or at the very least, my parents should be trying a bit more to get the four of us to interact with each other a bit more, right?

I'm feeling sick, sad, empty and alone, and angry is coming up from behind. I was even given a job application to fill out and return, since I wanted to get a job to get some money to come in for myself. But I'm scared. It's been so long since I've had a job, I don't know what positions they have, or what each job is like there at this grocery store.

I'm sorry for rambling tonight. Probably only said half of what was on my mind. But it's better than saying nothing at all, right? Until next time folks.~ Dred Lily